A lot of our choices go unnoticed. They happen automatically, on repeat and without much awareness.
When we’re in a state of survival—fear, stress or frustration—the choices available to us become more limited. From a survival lens, we make survival choices and we get survival outcomes.
That’s useful if you’re in a true survival situation—a bushfire, a plane crash or a war zone—but most of the time, we’re not.
Most of the time, the feeling of survival is being created by something else, like watching the news, worrying about what people think, or feeling wronged or misunderstood.
The stress is real, but it’s being filtered through our values, beliefs and expectations. And those filters shape what choices we think we have.
As those filters shift, something interesting happens…
- Your perception of choice expands.
- You start to see how you’re participating in the outcomes you’re experiencing.
- And, more importantly, where a new choice could be made.
What we often think of as fixed—our values and beliefs—is usually underpinned by emotion, then justified with logic.
You see it all the time.
If someone is scared enough, they’ll justify behaviour that doesn’t align with their values.
If someone is angry enough, they’ll act outside of their usual beliefs.
If someone feels overwhelmed or hopeless enough, they’ll do things they never thought they would.
As the emotional state changes, so does the range of choices.
But one thing stays the same: we are always choosing.
And underneath those choices is a simple calculation:
Does the benefit outweigh the consequence?
In survival, the benefit becomes:
- Does this help me feel safer?
- Does this reduce pressure?
- Does this help me cope?
We can spend a long time making decisions from that place.
But what if you shifted the question?
What if you started making choices from what you actually want?
From there, the options can start to open up. Choices that once felt fixed begin to soften and new possibilities appear.
Sometimes the consequences might still feel heavy, but seeing it as a choice changes your relationship to it.
It moves you out of “This is happening to me” and into “I’m choosing this.”
And there’s something powerful in that.
As you begin to see your choices more clearly, you can start to let go of some of the weight around them.
It’s not about judging yourself or getting it perfect. It’s about recognising that you are the one choosing.
Maybe the choice is only about the feeling you experience or the way in which you experience it. Even if the outcome isn’t ideal, you’re still the one in it.
When you can soften the emotional charge, shift the filter and look again, you might start to see choice through a different lens.
One with more space, more opportunity and more alignment.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.
Just be curious, and be kind with yourself in the process.
