Life can be tricky.
As we move through it as best we can, there will be success, failure, disappointment, joy and everything in between.
One thing seems to stay the same:
The more we resist what is, the more we suffer.
It’s a simple idea. One that can easily sound like blame or like we should just “get over it.” But that’s not the point.
The point is choice. When we can see where we are resisting, we can also see where we have the power to do something different.
Think of a bruise. When you first get it, the blood is stuck and there is pain. As the blood moves, the bruise changes and the pain settles.
Now imagine instead of letting it move, you kept focusing on the person who bumped into you.
“I can’t believe they did that.”
“They should have been more careful.”
“It’s not fair.”
You spend days angry, resentful, replaying it in your head.
Meanwhile, your shoulders tighten. Your sleep changes. Your digestion is off. Now you’re frustrated about that too.
The original bruise might be gone, but the suffering keeps going.
Or… you could acknowledge that it happened. Maybe it wasn’t ideal. Maybe it wasn’t fair. But you accept that it has happened.
You know how to care for a bruise. You let it move, and you keep going.
A simple example, but often simple is the best place to start.
Can you think of places in your life where resistance creates suffering?
Usually things become more complicated when there is meaning attached.
We do it with situations, with emotions, with beliefs and with our body.
What we resist, we often keep in place.
Take grief.
When someone dies, most people resist it. Of course they do. There is sadness, shock and anger. Part of us wants it to not be true.
Eventually, though, there is some level of acceptance. Not because it didn’t matter, but because it did.
The sadness has meaning. The person mattered.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you stop fighting what has already happened.
And in that, something can move.
We do the same thing with life. We resist the reality of where we are because we wish it was different.
But while we are arguing with reality, it is very hard to create anything new.
Acceptance gives us back movement.
It allows us to ask different questions.
Instead of:
“Why is this happening to me?”
We can ask:
- What is the opportunity here?
- How do I accept what is, so I can move again?
- What is the benefit?
You always have choice.
And sometimes, just remembering that softens the suffering enough for something new to begin.
